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Happy Cinco de Miko…olè!


An open love letter to my compadre:

It’s just not easy being married to me.

I feel bad because he probably had no idea what he was leaping into, this poor man.

This guy, my Mike, on a daily basis, deals with frantic phones calls, texts or smoke signals that can include some or all of the following:

“Oh my God, I can’t find my *wallet (*can be replaced with keys, car, iPad, kid, dog.)”

“My tooth fell out.”

“The car is dead and I need to be at work in four minutes.”

“I left my hair straightener on and I’m scared the house is going to burn down.”

“I threw my check in the garbage at the car wash. Last Thursday.”

“At gig. Please bring bra.”

“I’m working the next 17 days straight. Can you bring the kids to appointments, go to games, take them clothes shopping, oh, and we have no food…Mariano’s run, please and I don’t know what we actually need and also, one of the kids, I can’t remember which one, maybe #2, needs school snack tomorrow, homemade, for 40 kids. No peanuts, no gluten, no soy, no sugar, no wheat, no milk and no….something else, but I forgot And, I love you.”

I love you.

I love this guy. Not for the obvious millions of reasons that I have outlined above, even though he could very well be sainted by the Vatican any day now.

I love him for probably about 385 million other reasons.

Also, we never, ever have any fun. Never ever.


But, some highlights:

He is downright loving and kind. He will do anything for anyone. And legitimately be ok with it. He’s not annoyed, put out or angry, even when stressed. And we run very stressed around these parts. No, it’s like this:

Anyone: “Mike; can you do anything in the world for me?”

Mike: “Yes and when.”

That’s about right. In a world where I can’t, because I am late and I have to be in four places 10 minutes ago and I can’t find my pants and I super-glued my shoe to my foot (while still on) and also, I’m dying of some plaque….I’m so sorry, I can’t…

… but he can. I love him.

His parenting skills? Phenomenal.


When I was in labor With the number one, in between my screeches of murder, angst and betrayal, blaming him that he got me pregnant in the first place, I screamed at him to go to the hospital store and grab toothbrushes. My labor progressed faster than we all anticipated and he made it back right in time to see the doctor catch our baby like a football. Touchdown!

While I was gross, shaking and trying to figure out what a placenta was and why I had to push again, I watched him take our baby in his arms and then I saw him cry. (The only other time he cried that hard was during movie “Once”.  Sorry, honey, but true dat.) Love was pouring like rain from his entire body.

And it has not stopped raining for 18 years…the beautiful, light, soft rain that we all love to raise our faces up to, because it feels so good.  That’s my Mike.

Every diaper change, every cry, every ouchie, every touchdown, every first dance, every cough, every sneeze, nighty night book time, tournaments in the rain, college visits, bra shopping (no wait, that was definitely me), gross pet situations, awesome birthday party music, lice…..

He loves us hard and loves us steady, like the strongest rock.

And he’s gorgeous.


And my Lord, but he loves the Cubbies. He didn’t always…he grew up a loyal Sox fan, just like my mom, but as his family would say it’s our fault that we brought him to the dark side. But look, see, this is why he is amazing…he appreciates both. It takes a special person to do that. I love him.  Go Cubbies.

And boy, who doesn’t love DJ Mikey Mike? No one. There is no one that doesn’t love him. Nope. Not a one.

I’ll just leave this right here.


Happy birthday, honey.  I’m sorry you have to deal with me, but I’m blessed that your stuck with me.  We adore you, you complete us and we win because we are loved by you.

Gotta go. The Vatican is calling.


The Wife


Wait. I have a blog?

Wow. I….kind of fell off the face of the blog planet, didn’t I????

I have really had a crazy couple of years with this. I have been a lot healthier since I started my Enbrel for my RA and have been able to eat a lot more stuff. But still, it effects my weight and blood pressure a lot.

I LOOK at a piece of frozen pizza and I immediately gain 6 pounds. Not really. But if I take a BITE, I really do and it takes me 2 full days to clean out.

And today, when I had a buffalo chicken wrap at my favorite hang (hot dayum that was good) I even just ate the insides and didn’t dare touch the wrap. But something was in there……something sulfite-y or processed and now I am staring at my puffy face in the rear view mirror at Cracker’s soccer practice and I thought, “that’s it. No more, back on the wagon….HEY WAIT A MINUTE, I have a blog!!!!”

Alright, let’s do this….I am going to go home and break down what I ate. Do some Nancy Drew work all up in that wrap and I’m back on clean, people.

See you tomorrow.


Dear readers, s…

Dear readers, so busy.

Quick update:  Did HcG diet.  Lost 25 exactly 25 in 23 days.  It worked.  Didn’t die.  Totally sulfite-free friendly.  Very crazed, more later.  The End.



She Can Lift Her Head Off The Table.

Now that I have then strength to lift my head off the table, it’s time for me to fill you in on my sulfite-free FAD DIET progress.

Official status report: SUPERFREAKINAWESOME.

ok, so I have to admit, the first three days was like walking around carrying 3 bloated elephants wearing fat suits.  BRU-to the-TAL.  But I eventually got the rhythm of everything and I.FEEL.FANTASTIC.

Mostly, probably, because I am clean.  Not sulfites or booze for 8 days.  There is not one sulfite iota in me.  (Lie.  Our body makes natural sulfites.)  But I am not intentionally putting anything in me and I feel like I could fly.  (Apparently, there may be some traces of college-age LCD.)

Down 13 pounds, too.

I did have a major RA flare-up for 5 of those days, but that is because I was late taking my shot, thinking that I might not need it anymore.  Sometimes, I am a ridiculous person.

So, unnamed fad diet working.  I am not really hungry on it, that is the trick with it, I think.  But mostly, I see the others around me not GAINING and I think that is the whole key to this thing. Whatever, still not endorsing.  Still not divulging.  It’s really no big deal because the point is that I am clean and losing weight.  Once I get through this little test of endurance, I will be back to clean living and hope I can naturally and slowly lose the rest of the weight.  This, so far, is a nice springboard.  BOINGGGGGG………

I think one of the reasons that I am doing too well on it is because I am used to being already a bit deprived having a sulfite allergy.  I am used to having to make my food, even when I am really hungry.  It feels good again to know what I am putting in my mouth is good for me.

I have some recipes that I am going to pop up for everyone and some of them are quite delicious.  I just had me some chili that was scrumptious!!  Lots of chicken, lots of fish, ground turkey, some meat…yummy veggies and fruits.

Pros: feeling great, losing weight, not hungry, great feeling of accomplishment

Cons: I miss booze.

Come back later and check out some of the recipes.  I am going to type some up now.   Bon Appétit, sulfite-nots!


Now what.

I have been gone awhile….

HEEEEELLLLLLOOOOOOOOOO!!!  Long time, no blog!

Insert old lady health rant here:

I have been feeling really under the weather. A few weeks ago I started to have more trouble getting around.  My feet had been giving me a lot of pain and the shoulders and hands but then my knees started to get really bad.  I was literally having a hard time walking.  Going up and down the stairs was brutal.  It turned a bit scary.  My mom came over and was like, WTF.  I hadn’t realized how horrible it looked to people who haven’t seen me because I had slowly gotten worse over the course of the month.  I knew that this was something other than my sulfite allergy because I had pretty much cut my eating down to chicken, steak, mashed potatoes and one or two veggies.  But I was getting worse by the day.  I have something called Raynaud’s Syndrome where I lose circulation in fingers on both hands.  When they get cold, they look like dead hooker hands.  Inappropriate?   Perhaps.  But true.  It has really turned aggressive though recently, even in my house and I have been walking around cleaning with mittens.  Perfect for dusting.  I got a new script for it, that seems to help a bit.  At least in the house. LOL  Right now I have one finger that is terminally freezing and I actually think it’s rather quirky and adorable.  And will come in handy to cool off a cocktail if I just stick my finger in there.    But yes, so other things were just getting worse, really fast.  I was having trouble putting on Cracker’s tights, making the kids lunches, brushing my hair, even driving my car was almost impossible!  What a crazy thing!

I hobbled myself over to a great new rheumatologist and she was actually quite amazing.  She listened to me and told me that she will not stop until we know what is making me sick and help me feel better.  WOW!  I feel like her and Dr. Unger are like the super heroes of medicine in my life.  Wonder-twin power activate…shape of….Rock star doctors!

Anyhoo, she checked me all out and took some xrays.  She said that everything preliminarily pointed to lupus or Rheumatoid Arthritis but she wanted to do a bunch of blood tests.  Based on some other tests that Dr. Mike had taken, she was able to rule out Lupus.

So the other night, while I was out teaching voice lessons, Dr. Rockstar I will call her (cause she is) called Thor and broke the news that I tested “very positive” for Rheumatoid Arthritis.   I have to say that I was upset about it but I felt almost a sense of relief to know what was wrong with me.  I knew that there was something beyond the food allergy.  I just knew it.

I remember about  year ago, Thor and I took the kids to the Museum of Science and Industry and my shoulder was killing me.  I mean really painful.  So I called my old doctor, who btw, was a very attractive man who looks like a hot Bill Clinton and very cool, but didn’t really seem to want to help me out very much.  I called and told Dr. Clinton about my shoulder.  I said that it hurt when I raised my arm.  He said, “then don’t raise your arm.”  Mm hmm. And then he tried to give me anti-depressants.  HRUMPH.

So yeah, I guess there is a sense of relief that Dr. Mike found my crazy food allergy and Dr. Rockstar found this other thing.  I know that I have a lot going on right now but I think that I am totally on course now to feeling so much better.  I am going to continue to eat as pure as I can and even might try some water aerobics.  (No video allowed.) I started a new med yesterday for the RA and I already feel incredibly better.  I mean, REALLY better.  Like I can probably run up and down the stairs if I want 😉  If I want.  But I probably won’t want to.  Because I am a lazy ass.

I don’t know much about RA.  I didn’t do much research on any particular auto-immune disease because I didn’t know what I had and I didn’t want to freak myself out.  But I have to share this one story with you…

Yesterday Thor and I were lounging in our bedroom talking about the diagnosis and he had spent some time during the day researching on the internet.  I hadn’t really done that yet, cause I am kind of skiddish and most definitely an alarmist.  So we started to Google like big fat dorks next to each other on our respective Android smart phones and I search for “Rheumatoid Arthritis.”  I see a bunch of links and so I just randomly pick one and hit enter.

This is the first image I pull up that takes up the entire screen of my phone:


Of COURSE that is the very first image I see when I am like, hmm…ok, let’s find out about what I have….hmmm….ok…….AAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

It’s not funny, that poor woman. But Thor and I laugh through pain and this was definitely a funny Heather moment and I couldn’t love Thor anymore than that moment, when he turned to me with laughing tears in his eyes and said, “Better blog that, honey.”

So here we are.  I have to continue to dodge the steroid bullet because I am supposed to start them and be on them for 3 months.  Heather+prednisone=

I know I have to do it. I know it will protect my joints.  I know it’s inevitable.  But I can’t sleep or act like a normal human being on it, so for now, I will blissfully ignore the inevitable.  “Oh, Look at that bird over there!!!!!”  (Heather slyly sneaks out stage left.)

On The Food Front

I am sick of cooking.

I am really bad at it.  It’s not getting better.  I am sick of going to restaurants and staring at my family.  I don’t like them when they are eating.  Last night I was shaking some of that pink antibiotic, stinky, icky crap that Bambi needs for a gum infection and the top wasn’t on and it flew all over the kitchen. Everyone was so un-phased and used to liquids/foods/other cooking objects flying around the kitchen when I am in it.  It was very business-as-usual and complacent as hell and I was mildly annoyed.

I am looking forward to a tequila and orange juice cocktail tonight.  That will be a highlight.

I also have some broth that I made this week that I have to haphazardly turn into a soup.  So hopefully the tequila will help me with that.

This weekend, I am planning what I am going to bring to my cousins for Thanksgiving…they are having it catered so it should be a sulfite orgy on the table.  Will sneak in covert clean food *wink*wink*

What is everyone else doing for the holiday meal?  please share!

Cheers!  It’s Friday!  This has been fun blogging, I missed it. I am thankful to have the use of my digits back and I love you all, my little Sulfite-nots.  Happy Weekend and a Blessed Thanksgiving!


What the heck is a widget.

Still learning all of this craziness.

Look what I made: Widgets

Click on it.  I get paid thousands of dollars.

I am really just kidding.  I think. Registered & Protected

Heather Moran

Crazed sulfite-free woman.

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