Posts Tagged ‘Humor



26
Jul
11

And She is Alive….


….Hello…hello??? (Tap tap tap) Is this thing on????

(Such a stupid corny joke but I could not stop myself.)

I thought it might be time for an update…

Hello lovelies!

I have been under a rock for awhile.  Mainly because I didn’t know what to do about this blog.  Massive avoidance.

At first I was like, OMG!  I don’t have a sulfite allergy!  I have Rheumatoid Arthritis.  YAY!   Wait.  What?

Then I was like, oh.  That sucks.  Little did I know that I have BOTH.  Or more properly, I probably have a side effect or side disorder of this allergy that compliments the RA.  No one has been able to tell me that for sure.  My RA Doc insists that the sulfite thing is not true.  My lovable Dr. Unger is supportive.  I pick number #2.

But I thought all my worries were over with meds.  So what does one do?  Eat cheese.

You see, I started Enbrel and it sort of changed my life.  My RA has gone pretty much into remission.  (Or so I thought.)  I was actually able to EAT things again and still walk after 4 hours.

So then I was like, OMG.  The cure for a sulfite allergy is biologics!

Wait the the free world hears about this!!

I felt GREAT.  I was running up stairs.  I was eating garlic and onions!  I was chasing my kids and drinking yummy wine and….

was also about to stroke out. Or at least, paving the way to an eventual stroke or heart attack.

All of the sudden my BP was going nuts.  Now, granted I have all my kids home this summer and I am literally exhausted from entertaining them.  But I was starting to seriously bloat.  Like,

BLOAT

In my face and my ankles and my stomach…and of course, I always would get the notion to get it checked out on the weekends or Weds. when my awesome and lovable DR. is off.  Seriously.  It’s so Murphy’s Law.  He office is also far and going to see him takes about 5 hours out of my day.  I am living in the land of teaching, playdates, pools and Great America so instead of taking a day to myself, I just put it off.

In less than three months, I have gained 26 pounds.  HELLO LADY!

Truth.

My crazy woman self -diagnosing started kicking in.  I figured out that I was eating the sulfites and my body didn’t know what to DO with that information.   My body was like,” shit, wait, somethings not right…CURSES TO YOU, ENBREL, we can’t make her joints swell!  Let’s….um….I don’t know…spike her blood pressure….kick her kidneys so she doesn’t pee!…see how she likes that!”  It seemed that sometimes TMI I was having trouble peeing and when that happened, by BP would jump up.  Crazy shenanigans, I tell you.

I could say this: Thor is my witness that this is not just me eating 5 Buena Beefs with a side of cheese fries a day.  I am simply not eating enough to pack on that weight. Or am I?  I mean, REALLY.  I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE OBESE WOMEN CRYING ON JENNY JONES THAT I DON’T EAT ANYTHING!!!  (or wait, am I?)  Seriously, dude.  That did NOT take long for me to gain that. Renee Zellwiger would be very impressed.  But, seriously, the swell reaction is intense.  You can see my face a couple of hours after I eat something and I look like

THIS

So finally one day, my BP was high and it was stuck up there for a few days, I felt like crap and it was of course a WEDNESDAY, so I called my old dr around here who did me so wrong for years…so, so wrong…but they were actually civil and gave me a diuretic.  Which I just started.  Now I am tired, dizzy and I pee.  All. The. Time.  And I can’t go in the sun.  But I have to.  Because all I do is go to the pool with my kids.  So now I may get skin cancer. And pass out and drown in the water.  Or something.  Stay tuned.

Look.  I gained this weight because I slowly started to eat crap again.  Do I think I am carrying 25 pounds of water weight?  Puh-leeze.  My blood pressure is also probably up again because I am a fat ass.  Werd.  But I need to get back on track here.  Especially since Thor is going to be 40 in 9 months so he is starting a regimen to lose 40 pounds by 40.  And he will lose it all quickly and I will want to stab him in his sleep.  So let’s do this bitch. I will NOT have him leave me in the dust and I WILL NOT have the man who does not blog, all of the sudden blog MORE that me.  GAME ON, MISTER.

Hopefully this will help.  Time will tell.  For  now, I have to say, I have to go back to clean eating.

GUEST ARTIST COMING SOON:

One of my dearest friends in the world, one of my BFF’s from high school, let’s call her…THE VOICE (lol she will appreciate that inside joke) is going to go on a little clean living journey with me.  So starts the trek.  I promise you a blogging world filled with nasty before and after pictures, 2 dorks in the kitchen, some possible sulfite-free  wine-induced blogging and most probably some bloody tears. She is really organized, stays on my ass and kicks it repeatedly, so there should be more follow through on this than the last little project of cooking and blogging that I started on here.

But I have to be honest with myself .

Dear Self,

Just because I have found a blessed band-aid for my disease AT THE MOMENT (these biologic meds have a tendency to stop working after awhile and sometimes riddle you with cancer.  Rah!) I know that I need to go back to staying away from sulfites.

Love,

Myself

Little sulfitenots, sorry I have been on a fat collecting, Brimstone Demon-filled vacation, but I am back now and ready to party, sulfite-free style.

WOOT!

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Heather Moran

Crazed sulfite-free woman.

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