Posts Tagged ‘moms who want their kids to go back to school

16
Aug
11

The Sulfite Addiction. And other rants.



It’s like crack.

This addiction to sulfites.

It’s making me an insane woman.  I mean, MORE insane.

I almost long for the days when I would get a reaction that would disable me.  Then I would be forced to avoid everything I can’t eat like the plague.  Now it takes a really large amount of sulfites to effect my RA on the OUTSIDE.  So I cheat and I slowly feel like crapola.

Here is my sulfite haiku:

food with sulfites

shoved in mouth

walk with limp

***********************************

Seriously, who is with me here?  It’s like any diet.  I do okay in the morning.   I am a spitfire of self-control and will power.  But then my light starts to flicker just the ttttiiiiiiiiiiiinneeeesssttt bit near lunch time when I have to make the kids’ food.  So I make the grilled cheese.  My picky children (say outloud with whiniest voice possible) “…need the crusts off…..ppllleeaasee Mommy?”

NO NO NO because MOMMY WILL EAT THE CRUSTS.  THE LITTLE CHEESE-FILLED PIECES OF CRUSTS, WHERE THE CHEESE OOZES OUT THE SIDES.

Cheese that used to render me a virtual paraplegic from the neck down before my meds came into my life.

Now, it’s a slow poisoning.  It’s a gradual bloat all day. By dinner, I am practically shoving olives, laced with vinegar, garlic and jelly in my mouth. I look in the mirror before bed, and I stare at the moon pie face.  And I feel nothing but guilt for sneaking grilled cheese crusties into my mouth…or a few left over nuggets…

It’s like a drug addiction. True dat.

I NEVER considered myself having a food addiction.  Facebook?  Hello, obvious.  Booze?  Sure, why not.  Sex?  Thor wishes.  But, food has never been a really big thing for me.  I don’t care where or what I eat, as long as my tummy doesn’t hurt and I get rid of my low blood sugar grumpies.  But I am addicted to the sulfite DRUGS that are put in our food to keep them from getting moldy.

I have been thinking about trying this HcG diet, but because of some of my medical problems, I am weary.  and SELF! Wake up!  (Smacking myself on the head.)  I don’t need to do anything but eat clean again.

Why is it so hard? whywhywhywhywhy

Summer’s End and a beaten shell of a woman.

I am so tired.  I am a broken woman from this summer.  Done.  Flip me over, take me off the grill, I have had it.  I love my babies but I long for routine, organization, a clean house, a moment to cry and minute to go to the bathroom without someone walking in on me with the DVD case, asking me to put on a movie.  THEY NEED TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL.

There.  I said it.  Hey, lady..you…over there, PerfectMom…shaking your head. Stop being horrified.  I said what most mothers are thinking right now, but are too worried about being labeled as a bad mother to admit it.

I think some people who don’t get it or don’t want to understand might look at me and say:  “Oh.  Boo.  Poor shell of a woman.  I feel so bad for you that you got to stay home and go to the pool 3 days a week and go to Great America and wear your jammies until 10am and not be in an office.”

And I do love my job.

Correction: Job(S).

Besides the fact that I run a small Entertainment PR firm from my office, I perform as a vocalist and I have over 15 vocal students, I also “work from home” as a mommy and I have to say that my office is not THAT different from other offices where I have worked.  Except:

  • The water cooler is fulled with Cherry Capri Suns
  • My bosses are all under the ages of 12 and they are also my clients.  They can also be intimidating.
  • All  traveling occurs in a dying minivan with little people whipping skittles at my head, yelling at me to turn up the volume on the movie
  • My printer is jammed with 147 print-outs of Hello Kitty coloring pages
  • My work luncheons occur at the snack area of Target
  • All office supplies are made by Crayola
  • I network at the pool
  • The conference room apparently has a toilet in it.

Perks:  Bambi makes me beautiful pictures to decorate my office and helps oversee the “small neighborhood children running all over my house” department. 

Cracker lightens up the office atmosphere with giggles, dancing, messing up every room 12 minutes after I have cleaned it and changing her outfits multiple times a day.

  Alpha is definitely Head of Security, training on the Xbox and learning how to whack people with lacrosse sticks. 

We can’t forget the independent contractors:  (Or sometimes referred to as the workers in the “small neighborhood children running all over my house” department.) The multitudes of little neighborhood children (who I love).  These little cutie pies are constantly stopping in the house for little meetings.  The topics of these are usually strategizing about pulling out every toy in the house and throwing it on the floor, presentations painted on rugs with nail polish and snack breaks every 15 minutes to eat all the food we have in the house.  (These are, of course, supported practices, as most of MY little people in this office are doing them same thing over at their offices.)

Thor always wins employee of the day for coming home from his bigger office job and helps me sort out this hot mess over here.

  I love my co-workers.

  And after my shift is over, when hopefully the house is straightened, the dishes are  in the washer, lights are off and doors are locked ,Thor and I can crawl into bed.

It’s a charming scenario: me, happily sipping my chardonnay and Thor, quietly wanting to kill me for making him watch Toddlers and Tiaras.  No one said life is easy, but dayum, it sure is good.

Happy Anniversary Simple Dude!  I am a proud Simpleton.




Heather Moran

Crazed sulfite-free woman.

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