Posts Tagged ‘shopping st staples

20
Aug
11

I didn’t die at The Staples.


This is a follow up post to YESTERDAY’S post. Just wanted to update the two people who were wondering if I survived.

Happy and relaxed, ready to really DO THIS.

I had my 3 lists. I had my 3 children.  I had my agenda:  The Staples, lunch,  The Jewel,  Alpha hair cut.  GO!

It wasn’t that bad.  Total drama queen. I annoy me.

At around the middle of the second list, I did start to get a little sweaty and thirsty.  The kids wanted everything that they could get their nasty grubby little hands on (Bambi, you do NOT need a bedazzled stapler) and they were all talking to me at the same time and I was like, “GAAAAAAA!  StopITSTOPShhhhSHHHSTOPTouchingME!”

Alpha, although sweet and thoughtful enough to push the cart, literally bumped into every single person who passed.  And he kept on whacking the back of my heel and my shoe would flip off.   I HATE THAT.  I finally did get full-on dizzy and thought I was going to pass out from a panic attack in the aisle 12 accordion file section.

If Cracker asked me one more time if she could get a lollipop, I was going to shove her in one of the display desk drawers and leave her there.

I did each kid’s list one at a time and let me tell you, it did take a village.  The Staples people were like gnats buzzing around me to guide me to everything I couldn’t find.  Annoying, but very helpful.  Mr.Coffee Breath is always so friendly behind the copy desk!  I really consider him a pal and I feel like we have gotten really close with all my Girl Monday copying excursions this past year.  I really wish he wouldn’t forget me every time I go in there.  Jerk.

So, really The Staples did totally deliver.  I feel really confident that I didn’t do the Walgreens or Tarjay Boutique thing.  Walgreens totally jacks up the prices and I avoid Target because I belong to THIS FACEBOOK GROUP.  The Staples had everything I needed on the lists, except for Alpha’s science goggles – TOTAL mom fail on those.  There are no scientific dork shops in my town that I can find to get those, so now I have to order online and spend 5 times more on the shipping, in order to get it here by Wednesday.

I suck.

But hey!

We even played a shopping game!

At the register, Alpha, Bambi, Cracker and I had a wager as to how much this would all cost.

Cracker said, “I don’t care, I just want a lollipop.”

Bambi said $24.

Alpha said $60.

None of them are very good at that game.

Guess. There are 86 items in the basket.

Ok, stop it.  That’s enough guessing.

$275.64

Holy Schneikies. NOT BAD!

What I did was, I pretended that I thought it was going to be around $600 and therefore, I was really pleasantly surprised.  I think like that on a daily basis because life, in general, hurts less.  I am a big fan of low expectations.

The receipt was long and it made us giggle because it kept on coming out of the guy’s register.

As you can see, some little monster got her freakin’ mutha trucking lollipop.  And this was obviously BEFORE Alpha’s haircut.

I really need to get back on track here.  Absolutely none of this has anything to do with a sulfite.  My apologies.

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Heather Moran

Crazed sulfite-free woman.

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