Posts Tagged ‘sulfite


FAD DIET 101: Sure, I’ll bite.

Call me SpiderHead.

I have been absent.

I have been…not great.

I have been losing the war on sulfites and the HeatherWorld War on general good health.

I have been poked and prodded a lot lately, as well.

My liver is pissed at me (due to my RA meds), I gained a really large amount of weight in a short amount of time, I am exhausted and hypoglycemic.  My cholesterol jumped and my RA comes creeping in every once in awhile like a sneaky, angry bitch.  I am having thyroid issues and my body has decided to go on strike.

So there.

I am going to do what I NEVER usually do, and that is go on a fad diet.  I am not going to name the fad diet (1)because I am not endorsing anything I don’t believe in yet and (2) I don’t want to hear bitching from other people. (Please take note.)

I know that the best way for me to lose weight is a slow lifestyle change.   It worked for me before.  But I need a kickstart and quick.   (Did you SEE the photos of all 4 of my chins in the Winnetka Current article?)

I am about to enter my busy season:  lots of gigs and performances.  I need to be healthy, have energy and be able fit my fat ass into some serious formal wear.  It’s crunch time, bitches.

The diet is sulfite-free and very extreme, but I can do ANYTHING for a month.  Massive detox.  I will take one for the team and be a guinea pig.  And no one can talk me out of it.  I have gotten the approval of the diet from my endocrinologist and my Gynie, so I feel ok to press on. My dear friend just had much success on it and she  is going to hold my hand, as well as my cousin Apricot, who is doing it with me. Thor is being very supportive; I am bound to be a wildebeest for the next few weeks, so good luck to him.

So, here we go…I start this weekend, my goal is 20 pounds and if my thyroid issues prevent this from happening, which I have been warned they might, then onto the next thing.  Worth a try.

Will try to keep updated tabs…and post any recipes that we sulfite-nots can use.  Lots of fish, lots of chicken, lots of veggies and buttloads of water.  I am hoping to get my liver numbers and my cholesterol numbers down, as well as a good kick start.  Wish me luck, please send positive vibes and here’s hoping I can bring some helpful things to the table!



*Please see bottom for photo analysis.

or otherwise known as How I Made Crockpot Sulfite-Free Chili Yesterday And It Took Me 12 Hours.  This is not the title of the recipe for a blonde chili, like, made with all yellow ingredients.  This is like, a blonde totally screwed up this recipe.  This easy, three step, a blind hamster could make this recipe, recipe.  Just to clarify.

We are not going to dwell right now on the fact that it took me an extra 4 hours to make this edible.  Let’s just not go there, because I am too menstrual to hover in the abyss.

This is a nice vegetarian, very easy and quick chili recipe…next time I am going to add some ground turkey and I am going to try really, really hard to do a better job.

Vegetarian Chili


15 ounces kidney beans

15 ounces black beans

5 ounces white beans

1 can ORGANIC diced tomatoes

diced green chili pepper

1 cup organic chicken broth

1 tbsp chili powder

1 tsp cumin

salt and pepper as needed

Daisy sour cream to dollop on top before serving (IF you can manage this…some sulfite-nots cannot, so beware)

  1. The night before, soak beans separately, covering with water, overnight.  Make sure to pick out the ugly stepchild beans that don’t belong.  They can eventually make the end result mushy.
  2. Add the soaked beans in the crock-pot with the can of tomatoes, chopped-up chili pepper, chicken broth; salt and pepper.
  3. Let it sit there on low for about 8 hours, but please check on it.  You may need to add a bit more broth.  We don’t want a repeat of this, do we?

I am ready to talk about what happened now; Advil kicking in.  This chili was good, don’t get me wrong.  Thor not only took it to work the next day, but he had another bowl of it for lunch on Saturday, right in front of me.  I saw him put it in his mouth and he didn’t even spit it in the sink.  This is what actually occured.  When combining ingredients, I thought I was being cutesie and culinarily adorable** when I substituted a can of diced tomatoes.  I decided to just chop up a tomato and chuck it in there.  After checking on it at the 7th hour, it was like the Sahara on a bad day.

Not me.

Apparently, I needed the juice from the can and didn’t put extra water in the crockpot.  I quicky added a few cups of water and saved the bastard, but I telling you right now that it was a close one.  And this blonde needs a  I need a vacation.


*This drawing is reedonkulous.

Things that are wrong with this picture:

  • That’s supposed to be a pan with bacon and eggs. It looks like a tennis racket with an upside-down grumpy face.
  • I cant even eat bacon and eggs.
  • It looks like I am wearing 2 breast implants with a see-through skirt.
  • Don’t you hate it when you get black on the tip of your yellow highlighter pen?
  • I don’t look very upset.
  • I wish I was that skinny.

**culinarily adorable[adj]

cu·li·nar·il·y [ kúllə nèrr ill ee ] a·dor·a·ble [ ə dáwrəb’l ]

Sweet, lovable, endearing, huggable in the kitchen when substituting ingredients, thinking that is acceptable when you really just outright suck.

Last week while making pesto, Heather was culinarily adorable when she thought she could substitute 2 cloves of garlic with 4 cups of sugar. 

Sidenote:  In regards to my first caption picture: you can look at the word “analysis” 50 times and it STILL doesn’t seem right.  I mean it has the word anal in it and you don’t ever want to willingly use the word anal, unless you are talking about…anal stuff…especially when you are typing a recipe.

Was that Advil I just took?  Or 3 Vicodin?  Hm.


My Kitchen Reeks.


The kids keep on walking in here from the backyard and they are like, “UHHH! GAAA!  MOOOMMM, WHAT IS THAT???”


I’m just cooking.

Yesterday I made a really runny and watery batch of Cream of Asparagus soup and some Parmesan-encrusted baked chicken. The later was NOT sulfite-free so don’t get all excited.  The soup just totally pissed me off.  I couldn’t get it thickened up properly.  I kept on making little roux batches while repeatedly thinking,  “Shit, more flour???”  Finally, I  looked at it on the stove top and went like this to it and then left it there while I stormed out to work.  Thor dealt with it, God love the man.

When I came home, he was like, “I put your soup away.  It was good.  Was a little watery.”

Today, the reason why my kitchen reeks is because I made blueberry vinegar. WORD!

I really did!

And it doesn’t blow!

It’s rice vinegar-based so I should be able to tolerate it.  Will post the recipe that I got from Recipe Magazine in a minute.

I am crossing my fingers that it will be yummy in 24 hours  and ready to mix with a little EVOO and salad.  Yummers!

I am also making a vegetarian crock pot chili -so easy, so sulfite free.  Hope it doesn’t blow up and end on my kitchen ceiling.  Will post that recipe soon as well.

In conclusion, besides burning my children’s lungs and making a pissy, wussy batch of soup, I am really cranking around here, peeps.



Kitchen blonde+holiday planning=challenge

I went to a weenie roast the other day.

I ate beforehand and brought my own wine.

But I just couldn’t help myself with the food.  It was so amazing and forbidden.

This is what I ate:

  1. 1 ritz-like cracker dipped in yummy, slutty pizza dip
  2. 1 bite of Thor’s personal serving of cheese-chili quiche
  3. 1 freshly made burger, seasoned with REGULAR salt and pepper with a slice of tomato and lettuce on top.

That was enough to put me into 3 days of hezzell.

And it really got me thinking about the holidays and all the partying I am about to do.


OK, so this is the challenge I am giving myself.  I will be making one thing a day that we, us sulfitenots, can eat.  Will some of it land on my wall or ceiling?  Probably.  Will it be edible?  Doubt it.  Will any of you want the recipes?  Not Way, Shirlay.  But as Thor is my hot*ss husband/witness, I CHALLENGE ME TO A COOKING CHALLENGE!





Alright, sheesh, now I just blogged it so I have to do it.

  • I declare to find my apron on the floor in the corner of my pantry and remove all dust balls,dead spiders and roll-away Cheetos balls.
  • I promise to wash my hands and not adhere AT ALL by any 5 to 10 second dropsie rule.
  • I swear that none of you will ever have to actually sample what I am making in person and that you will be much better off making it yourself.
  • And I vow to not buy anything from Whole Foods and pretend that I made it myself.




and now……………………………………………….OFF TO THE JEWEL!


(Sh*t.  Can’t find keys.) Registered & Protected


Fill That Cooler.

One of the hardest things about this hellatiously annoying new eating regimen is that I can’t really eat out.  If I am hungry and running around the kids this summer, I can’t just stop at a fast food place and get something.  Subway doesn’t even really work.  Me skipping that fast food burger isn’t actually a bad thing (RENT SUPERSIZE ME) but it’s also a huge PITA.  This summer I also watch my beloved 8 year old nephew a.k.a.NerfKid, so the car is full of 4 children and people need entertainment STAT.  For instance,  today I am taking them to my mom’s house to go swimming at their pool and so I need to plan for two meals.  I can’t really drink much besides water so that’s not a big deal, but I will throw some salad and homemade dressing in there and make a chicken/avacado sammie…some fresh fruit and maybe some of those yummy Costco pita chips Thor got me.  That should hold me through to later on tonight…I also have some of those Lara bars if I get really hungry….I can also throw that stuff in my mom’s fridge but for those days that I am going to be running around the whole time, I bought a bunch of those coolers thingies that you freeze.  What are those things called.  Cooler freezie thingies.

I have lost 11 pounds in a month.  That’s pretty awesome.  I have about 956 more pounds to go before I get to my ideal weight, but I should be in a bikini by 2017.  After the Lypo.

Right now, and this happens to me every single morning, I don’t know what the hell to eat.  Breakfast is the worst.  I am already  getting really sick of the very selected menu that I have.  Need to find out more morning options.  Cecille suggested muffins, must get recipe.  I guess I will have a banana and pretend it’s cheese fries.

I started a new medicine for high cholesterol a few nights ago and I think I have almost died consecutively for the last three nights.  It makes my heart beat to the rhythm of a Red Hot Chili Pepper song.  It actually hurts and from 11pm to 4am, I lie awake and curse myself for not writing out my plans for my funeral, since I am convinced I am going to die in bed.  Today I rejoice at life, albeit with a sleep hangover.  Thor is more than slightly exasperated, especially after the 12th time I grabbed his hand and made him feel my heart busting out in my chest.  That is NOT what he wants me to do with his hand when I happen to grab it in bed at 2:30 in the morning.  Need to call Dr. Uke and run that by him.

I am in a good mood today though, despite almost stroking out last night.  We switched over from Comcast to Direct TV yesterday and nobody in all of Oz, no wizard that there ever was, is ever gonna bring me down because I have cable in my kitchen.  It’s almost a sexual feeling to be able to watch movies while I am cooking.

A friend on FB suggested that I check out a new magazine called “ Living Without”.  I think I will check it out,  but I am sure that there is not a lot of recipes and info on the sulfite allergy, which seems almost more restrictive than gluten free or no dairy…what is annoying is that you have to subscribe and pay like $36 a year or something and I am not sure that it is even worth it with this allergy, but I will probably check it out and let you all know if it’s worth it.

I usually shop at Trader Joe’s and the Jewel.  But the Jewel has a sucky selection of organic produce.  Whole Foods a.k.a. Whole Paycheck is shopgasmic but OMG so expensive.  I went there the other day to get some staples like rice cheese and agave nectar.  I ended up getting a few things more.  I was in there for almost 2 hours, and had about 4 panic attacks.  It was tweaking me out to have to read every label and then have to put it back because I couldn’t eat it.  When I got to the counter, I had a daynightmare that I karate chopped the check out guy after he told me I spend over $200 on 4 bags of groceries.  I didn’t chop him in the shoulder blade for reals, but I wanted to.  Dominick’s is almost as bad as Whole Paycheck but it’s closer.  I need to go to fresh markets, today I am hitting the Grayslake farmer’s market on the way home and pick of a few things.  That is what I learned that I have to do too…shop lightly for myself every couple of days.  Look at me.  Fancy, fancy.  Check me out.  SO European.

Gotta go…Bambi needs me to glue the head back on Wedding Groom Ken.  Again. Registered & Protected


Do Not Eat List


All allergy blogs need one of these, so here you go.  You see something on there that I missed, let me know and I will update it….

no natural sulfites

like grapes (wine),





anything pickled, including olives



No dried herbs or seasonings, only fresh herbs

processed with preservatives

so many things in a restaurant

regular salt (can have sea salt)…

any with corn in the ingredients,

anything with sugar in the ingredients (except cane sugar),

pretty much most booze, except really really good tequila so get those sulfite free margarita recipes going!

maple syrup


caramel color








all condiments – mustard, mayo, ketchup, relish, steak sauce, etc.


label buzzwords:  There are six names used for sulfites: sulfur dioxide, sodium sulfite, sodium bisulfite, potassium bisulfite, sodium metabisulfite, and potassium metabisulfite. Sulfites, bisulfites and metabisulfites are all dry chemical forms of the gas, sulfur dioxide. Registered & Protected

Heather Moran

Crazed sulfite-free woman.

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