Posts Tagged ‘vegetarian chili

22
Aug
11

THE BLONDE CHILI ADVENTURE


*Please see bottom for photo analysis.

or otherwise known as How I Made Crockpot Sulfite-Free Chili Yesterday And It Took Me 12 Hours.  This is not the title of the recipe for a blonde chili, like, made with all yellow ingredients.  This is like, a blonde totally screwed up this recipe.  This easy, three step, a blind hamster could make this recipe, recipe.  Just to clarify.

We are not going to dwell right now on the fact that it took me an extra 4 hours to make this edible.  Let’s just not go there, because I am too menstrual to hover in the abyss.

This is a nice vegetarian, very easy and quick chili recipe…next time I am going to add some ground turkey and I am going to try really, really hard to do a better job.

Vegetarian Chili

Ingredients:

15 ounces kidney beans

15 ounces black beans

5 ounces white beans

1 can ORGANIC diced tomatoes

diced green chili pepper

1 cup organic chicken broth

1 tbsp chili powder

1 tsp cumin

salt and pepper as needed

Daisy sour cream to dollop on top before serving (IF you can manage this…some sulfite-nots cannot, so beware)

  1. The night before, soak beans separately, covering with water, overnight.  Make sure to pick out the ugly stepchild beans that don’t belong.  They can eventually make the end result mushy.
  2. Add the soaked beans in the crock-pot with the can of tomatoes, chopped-up chili pepper, chicken broth; salt and pepper.
  3. Let it sit there on low for about 8 hours, but please check on it.  You may need to add a bit more broth.  We don’t want a repeat of this, do we?


I am ready to talk about what happened now; Advil kicking in.  This chili was good, don’t get me wrong.  Thor not only took it to work the next day, but he had another bowl of it for lunch on Saturday, right in front of me.  I saw him put it in his mouth and he didn’t even spit it in the sink.  This is what actually occured.  When combining ingredients, I thought I was being cutesie and culinarily adorable** when I substituted a can of diced tomatoes.  I decided to just chop up a tomato and chuck it in there.  After checking on it at the 7th hour, it was like the Sahara on a bad day.

Not me. But...me.

Apparently, I needed the juice from the can and didn’t put extra water in the crockpot.  I quicky added a few cups of water and saved the bastard, but I telling you right now that it was a close one.  And this blonde needs a  I need a vacation.

********************************************************************************************************

*This drawing is reedonkulous.

Things that are wrong with this picture:

  • That’s supposed to be a pan with bacon and eggs. It looks like a tennis racket with an upside-down grumpy face.
  • I cant even eat bacon and eggs.
  • It looks like I am wearing 2 breast implants with a see-through skirt.
  • Don’t you hate it when you get black on the tip of your yellow highlighter pen?
  • I don’t look very upset.
  • I wish I was that skinny.

**culinarily adorable[adj]

cu·li·nar·il·y [ kúllə nèrr ill ee ] a·dor·a·ble [ ə dáwrəb’l ]

Sweet, lovable, endearing, huggable in the kitchen when substituting ingredients, thinking that is acceptable when you really just outright suck.

Last week while making pesto, Heather was culinarily adorable when she thought she could substitute 2 cloves of garlic with 4 cups of sugar. 

Sidenote:  In regards to my first caption picture: you can look at the word “analysis” 50 times and it STILL doesn’t seem right.  I mean it has the word anal in it and you don’t ever want to willingly use the word anal, unless you are talking about…anal stuff…especially when you are typing a recipe.

Was that Advil I just took?  Or 3 Vicodin?  Hm.

18
Aug
11

My Kitchen Reeks.


MOM! WHAT THE H*LL!

The kids keep on walking in here from the backyard and they are like, “UHHH! GAAA!  MOOOMMM, WHAT IS THAT???”

What?

I’m just cooking.

Yesterday I made a really runny and watery batch of Cream of Asparagus soup and some Parmesan-encrusted baked chicken. The later was NOT sulfite-free so don’t get all excited.  The soup just totally pissed me off.  I couldn’t get it thickened up properly.  I kept on making little roux batches while repeatedly thinking,  “Shit, more flour???”  Finally, I  looked at it on the stove top and went like this to it and then left it there while I stormed out to work.  Thor dealt with it, God love the man.

When I came home, he was like, “I put your soup away.  It was good.  Was a little watery.”

Today, the reason why my kitchen reeks is because I made blueberry vinegar. WORD!

I really did!

And it doesn’t blow!

It’s rice vinegar-based so I should be able to tolerate it.  Will post the recipe that I got from Recipe Magazine in a minute.

I am crossing my fingers that it will be yummy in 24 hours  and ready to mix with a little EVOO and salad.  Yummers!

I am also making a vegetarian crock pot chili -so easy, so sulfite free.  Hope it doesn’t blow up and end on my kitchen ceiling.  Will post that recipe soon as well.

In conclusion, besides burning my children’s lungs and making a pissy, wussy batch of soup, I am really cranking around here, peeps.

THIS IS MY 50th POST!! WEEEEEEEE!!!!!!




Heather Moran

Crazed sulfite-free woman.

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